Panic87's Journals

Grawr.

Currently listening to

This world can't tear us apart

Trivium

Wow.... it's been ages since I've been on buzznet... and everything is sooooo different.... I wanna trya get back on this webbie haha XD but that might take me a long time since.... high school is so fucking hard... and I don't use the computer as much...

but it's worth a shot....

I miss this webbie XD

My iPod is in French loool XD

Yea... my itunes is being weird so I'm listening to music through youtube XD

Listening to:

Misery Loves Company - Emilie Autumn

There are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many amazing concerts coming up!!!! It's insane lool XD okay maybe not a lot... but a few...

This month, The Birthday Massacre with I Am Ghost and Dommin (I spelled that wrong) are coming

Next month, Silverstein with BlessTheFall and Norma Jean and Before Their Eyes are coming

June, Taking Back Sunday with Anberlin and Envy On The Coast

July, Rise Against with Rancid and Billy Talent

And I think Mayhem is soon too, but I'm not going to that xP

I REALLY wanna go see Rise Against again :] they're amazing live :]

btw, me and Guilhem are actually friends now o.o which is kinda weird... he started talking to me again like exactly a week ago, and now we're hanging out tomorrow and crap xP

Nick's like tryiing to keep a major distance between us now or something xP which is pretty upsetting XP

For some reason I wanna take the drums back up again... although I kinda don't want to...

blahhhh

Okay there are two awesome concerts coming up!!!! In May, Silverstein and BlessTheFall are coming and in July, Rancid and Rise Against are coming!!!! I wanna see Rise Against sooooooooo badly again!!!!! But I'm not really allowed to go to any concerts anymore... uggghhhhhh... the last concert I went to was a concert for local bands that Nick's band was in..... I'm soooo concert deprived XD ================================== Yea... So it's been a month since me and Nick broke up and things are going shitty... He said we were still 'friends' but we stopped talking for a week, and then we started texting again, we'd see each other in the hallways... now, he said he's not allowed to text anymore since his parents took away his phone. he doesn't ever notice me in the hallways. when colin would drag him to sit with my friends at lunch, I 'm the only one he doesn't notice.... Life is just too complicated I'm beyond fucking pissed that people think I'm going out or hooking up with my friend Dominic And how a ton of my friends think they understand everything I'm saying, but once they say something back to me, it just shows how they don't know anything I'm getting at... And lately, I haven't been able to get ANY good advice.... And my friends are talking and saying shit about me behind my back... wtf -.-''' And they're hiding stuff from me and shit, it's sooooooo annoying -.-'''' and they get pissed off and all hurt if I don't tell them everything... They're the ones who aren't telling ME anything... Guilhem got pissed at me cause I don't like Bleach... the anime show thingy xP and cause he thinks I'm 'antisocial' but whatever xP There's a creepy dude in my grade who is in my spanish class that stares at me 24/7 and it makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable... but it's all cool, cause this senior named David is the student teacher and he is HAWWWWTTTTTT xD not as amazingly amazingly awesome as Nick though xP no one can come close to how cute, and sweet and nice and caring and hot as Nick is XD lol XD My grades are dropping so rapidly too... Oh and I'm skipping school and classes now (well kinda) cause I'm in this constant depressed mood now where I'll cry hysterically for a few hours... I honestly need to figure myself out now.... I made some assumptions in a way on everything.... And whenever I make them clear and perfect sense in my mind... someone makes me believe otherwise and I get really depressed.....

I'm so fucking pissed at Guilhem!!!! -.-' (rants :] )

Currently Listening To
Toxic
A Static Lullaby
Wonderful cover ^^

First he kills my life and shit (read my old journals and my old pics and crap)
Now he's trying to be in my life again?
SERIOUSLY!!!!!
I just lost my boyfriend!!!!
Nick Bear broke up with me xP but it was a good reason
Plus, we'd NEVER be able to get ANYWHERE together...
As much as I liked him xP
But whatever, back to Guilhem!!! Nick Bear is hard to hate XD
He's just as douchey as before but even worse
Uggghhhhhhhh

To All My Buzznet Friends

Currently Listening To
Buried Way Too Shallow
I Am Ghost

OH MY GOD!!!!!
It's been like FOREVER!!!!!

So yea,
So sorry I haven't been on
And it probably doesn't make much of a difference lol

Okay so I never get much a chance to come on buzznet
Cause of high school, homework and just forgetting (sorry :[ )

Okay, so my hair is literally a rainbow in the front
Almost everyone I know LOVES my hair lol

My booyyyyffrrriiieeennndddd is Nick :]
He's amazing at guitar!!!!
So yea we went out for, not even, two weeks
(January 21st - February 2nd)
And on February 21st, at 1 AM, we got back together :]
Gaiiii he makes me feel so amazing :)
He's an uber sweetheart
And honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if his band became famous one day!!!!!!
Even if we do break up, I'm still gonna be his friend
When he's happy, I'm happy :]

Life honestly is so amazing right now
And yea, I have my ups and downs
It's just plain old amazingly awesome
The only thing that keeps it from being perfect is
Being on buzznet
lol honestly!!!!!

Anyways
I'm really sorry I'm NEVER on...
It's REALLY hard for me to get a chance to
So much homework and projects
And giving Nick my fullest attention
Since we talk like 24/7, well text
I forgot to mention... he doesn't talk lol!!!
Only occasionally... :[

xoxo Panic87
xoxo Julia Ish Buzznet's Panic87
xoxo Little Miss Super Fucking Annoying

PS: Once again, so sorry :(

Weird Quiz/Survey Things I Do When I'm Totally Murdered From Writer's Block XD

Currently Listening To
Winter Passing
The Academy Is...
What a pretty song...

TEN EMOTIONS.
1. Are you missing someone right now? I guess...
2. Are you happy? Barely ever
3. Are you talking to anyone right now? Dominic
4. Are you bored: Kinda
5. Are you German: nope
6. Are you Irish: no
7. Are you French: GAHHHHH Dx lol no -.-'
8. Are you Italian: no
9. Are your parents still married: yup
10. Do you like someone right now?: I guess you could say that

TEN FAVORITES.
1. Store: Hot Topic
2. Flower: Rose
3. Color: Purple, Black, White, Pink
4. Fav sport: Badmitin or however you spell it
5. Mall: Any mall with Hot Topic xP
6. Music: Anything ranging from My Chemical Romance, The Birthday Massacre, Rise Against, Simple Plan, etc
7. Food: Curry, fried calamari
9. Animal: Gloomy Bear
10. State: Anywhere But Here... almost XD

TEN FACTS.
1. Hometown: Kwanju South Korea xD kinda... long story
2. Hair color: Dark dark dark brown
3. Age: 14
4. Hair style: A little longer than shoulder length, always a rainbow, base color ish my natural color... I guess
5. Eye color: dark brown, looks black
6. Closest friends: Michelle, Sarah, Dominic, Angie
7. Mood: Depressed, Broken, Sad, Pissed, Confused
8. Skin color: idk o.o like tan but lighter XD
9. Available: idk...
10. Lefty/righty: righty

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. Have you ever been in love? Tell me your point of view on love first...
2. Do you believe in love: I guess
3. Why did your last relationship fail: I'm a horrible person....
4. Have you ever been heartbroken: yea you could say that
5. Have you ever broken someoneâ�™s heart? yup and I felt guilty abouts it DX
6. Have you ever fallen for one of your best friends: No
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them: yea... probably... I liked too many guys...
8. Are you afraid of commitment: Not really
9. Has someone ever kissed your hand: Yea and Guilhem take that fucking kiss back -.-'
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer: idk

TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.
1. Love or trust: Love
2. Hard liquor or beer: Hard Liquor
3. Night or day: Night
4. One night stands or relationships: Relationships
5. Television or internet: Internet
6. Pepsi or coke: Coke
7. Wild night out or romantic night in: Either...
9. Phone or in person: In Person
10. Msn or aim: MSN

TEN HAVE Y0U EVER.
1. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? nope
2. Have you ever skinny dipped: nope
3. Have you ever done something you regret? so many times
6. Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: the smaller ones, yes
7. Have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt? yea
8. Have you ever been in a fist fight? nope XD I'm not violent
9. Have you ever danced in the rain? ....maybe....
10. Have you ever had a hang over? hahahaha I wish XD

I... (I found this on my friend's page [re-do])

Currently Listening To
In The Shadows
The Rasmus

I did one of these back in August... and I wanna make another one XD since it's gonna be a LOT different from the first one...

I Am
emotional

I Want
go to a new school and move far away from here...

I Have
some of the most amazing friends ever... but some okay friends x_o as mean as that sounds...

I Wish
I could read minds... so I can figure out what Nick is thinking... since he barely ever talks...

I Hate
a lot of stuff

I Fear
being left alone...

I Hear
music... In The Shadows by The Rasmus

I Search
for answers constantly but rarely ever get them...

I Wonder
why Guilhem ever got in my life... -.-'

I Regret
meeting Guilhem...

I Love
music and Rise Against...

I Ache
every second of the day

I Always
have music in my head

I Am Not
emo

I Dance
when everyone is dead and can't see me

I Sing
when I'm alone...

I Never
want to hear the name Guilhem or ANYTHING having to do wth France anymore... no offence...

I Rarely
am REALLY happy now...

I Cry
inside and out...

I Am Not Always
helping myself... Instead I'm pushing myself farther away from happiness or w/e...

I'm Confused
whenever I think...

I Need
to learn to trust myself...

I Should
try to move on with my life...

I Dream
of being happy again...

Wtf?!?!?! Someone's been on my buzznet page?

Currently Listening To
Heaven Knows
Rise Against
"The day I learn to fly, I'm never coming down..."

Yea it's weird...
Cause I don't normally check my favorites or groups that much here...
But I checked today...
And I had like...
10 new favorites!!!!!!!!
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!
But yea...
idk who it was though...
Like some of the new favorites.. I just deleted immediately...
Like... there was a strip tease one...
Lil' Wayne
Lady Gaga
And other musicians I never heard of...
And an airline...
Air France...
But whatever...
I got rid of all those favorites...
Except Air France...
idk why though...
But whatever XD

xoxo Panic87
xoxo Julia Ish Buzznet's Panic87

I Don't Want You To Hate Me, But I Think You Need To Know... (MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE

Currently Listening To
Time To Say Goodbye
Simple Plan
Gah I love these guys!!!!!

Anyways yup...
As my pic of the day (Day 95) said...

Yup yup...
I'm OVER Guilhem now XD
It's been like 6-7 months since I last hung out with him...
And it's been so long since we had a good converstation together...
He completely HATES me now...
And I got him REALLY pissed off today xD
I said:
"Hi?"
"So what movie did you end up seeing the other day?"
"-picture of Pikachu-"
Him:
"OMFG!!!!"
"CAN YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!?"
So I REALLY annoyed him today...
And he ended up blocking me (I think)
But I blocked him too XD
But whatever...
I'm over him now XD
Cause of this...
And it's about time I moved on...
So yea...
It still hurts to see his name...
And it hurts to hear about all the shitty stereotypes...
Cause Guilhem used to be so sweet!!!!!
And now he isn't x_x
But yea

Like the quote says...
"You don't just stop loving someone, either you never did or always will"
It took me so long to move on...
And I still like him a little bit...
But he acts like he never did like me...
Like he barely even knows me anymore...
And that he just hates me...
So that must mean he NEVER did like me... right?

I AM NOW OVER GUILHEM!!!!!
Well... Kinda...
I still have some feelings for him...
But I'm growing feelings for this dude named Nick...
And Andy still is kinda there...
I'm moving on with my life now ^_^

xoxo Panic87
xoxo Julia Ish Buzznet's Panic87

Gonna Cry... Finally...

Currently Listening To
Here I Stand
Madina Lake

I'm gonna cry...
I just talked to Guilhem...
And he's different now...
And he's gonna get a new girlfriend by next friday...
I wish I was someone else now...
I wanna die....
I'm gonna cry...

xoxo Julia Ish Buzznet's Panic87
xoxo Panic87